how could you do that to me..I loved you so much till you deceided drinking was more important than a family and a loving wife...I tryed everything and didn't see it happening I let my friends go, I changed the way I dressed for you so I wouldn't show to much skin, etc..etc..
Then you deceided to start hitting me WHY? I gave you two sons which you should have been so happy to have in your life most men dream of having sons..you had them but just stayed away and let me raise them on my own basically poor guys..they won't ever forgive you..Our oldest tryed but he can't even measure up and I know it breaks his heart he wanted a dad so bad but he won;t get that from you no matter how hard he trys..You are going to die a bitter old man and now I don't even feel sorry for you. I tryed for 23 years why I don't have the answers I thought you would change I loved you so much but thankfully I got over that and found a man who treats me like a husband should treat his wife.....I will never understand how someone can change so much but its your loss not mine. I know someday you are going to regret all this and wish you had changed and put us first, that poor women your with now when you start hitting her and I know its only a matter of time because of your drinking what are you going to do then don't call me I have moved on..it was hard at first and even though everything you put me through I would have went back to you because I loved you that much but the day you touched our son it was over for me..stop telling people you have great sons you don't deserve that and belive me everyone knows why they are the men they have grown up to be had nothing to do with you..its sad and for some wierd reason i will always hold a special part of my heart for you WHY I have no idea I loved you that much...thanks for breaking my heart you have to live with that forever...Thank God they the boys see right through you now and will never truely forgive you no matter how much you change if ever but I don't see that happening you should have married a bottle of beer that would have lasted..that is sad!!!
This is my family now..thank God I got out alive...and we all have smiles on our faces I don't think I have smiled like this in years....I hope you can live with that NOT!!!! I don't care anymore!!!
Pamela
These letters are hard to write. Hard to read. Hard to understand as the person writing them and the one reading them. Abuse is this crazy thing, especially if alcohol or drugs get involved. Even if they aren't. You fell in love with a man and then he becomes someone else. You keep telling yourself that the man you fell in love with is still in there. The thing is that you see glimpses of that man. That convinces you that he is still in there. So, if you can just hang in there long enough something will change. He will quit drinking. Find himself. Become a better man. Whatever it is that he is telling you and you are telling yourself. He wants to believe it and sells himself on it. He then sells you on it because you want to believe it. Because you want to believe it, you buy it. You continue to buy it until the abuse happens again. And then you go around one more time. It may be a different variation of the same circle, but people can run that circle their whole lives. So glad you got out.
ReplyDeleteThanks Robin for trying to understand that is all so true...
ReplyDeleteHugs to you, for living through this --
ReplyDelete