DAY 7 — LETTER TO YOUR EX

 MR EX,
We where married for 23 long years, wow I can't believe it was that long or that we got married when I was 18 I was just a kid, what was I thinking? I wasn't at that age, you think you know everything but you don't you don't even know who you are...I want you to know how I feel about our marriage  and I wrote this a few years back for a therapist I was seeing.....and added a little more....

IT ALL STARTED AFTER THE BIRTH OF MY FIRST CHILD KYLE EVEN THOUGH HE (MY EX) SAID HE WANTED KIDS I DONT THINK HE EVER DID BUT FOR ME I WANTED TO BE A MOM EVER SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL, I KNOW PEOPLE ALWAYS WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU STAY I THOUGHT HE LOVED ME AND HE WAS ALWAYS REALLY SORRY FOR THE THINGS HE DID AND I WANTED MY KIDS TO HAVE A FAMILY, NOT A BROKEN ONE A FAMILY WITH A MOM AND DAD AND KIDS.... YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN A FAMILY.... BOY WAS THAT A WRONG DECISION WHAT I PUT THEM THROUGH BY STAYING WAS BY FAR THE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, HE HURT ME EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY NUMEROUS TIMES, I AM LUCKY TO BE ALIVE... I HAVE THE BEST SONS IN THE WORLD!!!! SON'S THAT HELPED ME GET OUT BEFORE HE DID KILL ME....   IF I CAN HELP ONE PERSON MAKE THE DESISION TO GET OUT WHILE THEY CAN IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT WHAT I WENT THROUGH AND NICE TO KNOW I HELPED SAVE A LIFE..WOMEN DIE EVERYDAY AT THE HANDS OF AN ABUSER, I KNOW THAT ALL TO WELL MY COUSIN SUZY WAS SHOT AND KILLED BY HER HUSBAND 2 YEARS AGO AND I REMEMBER AT THE FUNERAL PEOPLE TELLING ME "THAT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU" HERE IS A LINK ALL BBOUT MY BEAUTIFUL COUSIN WHO DIED TOO YOUNG , IF SHE HAD GOT OUT SHE WOULD BE ALIVE TODAY!!!.....I THINK HIS SENTENCE WASN'T LONG ENOUGH HE GOT 13 YEARS FOR TAKING A BEAUTIFUL LIFE, WHAT'S WRONG WITH OUR JUDICIAL SYSTEM?  I COULD TELL YOU SO MANY STORIES OF HOW I GOT HURT BUT I WROTE THIS IN HOPES YOU WOULD GET THE GENERAL IDEA OF WHAT I WENT THROUGH.....I TITLED IT THOUGHTS!

IT HURTS REMEMBERING~

THE TIMES I THOUGHT I WAS LOVED BY YOU
THE TIMES I THOUGHT THERE WAS RESPECT
THE SACRIFICES I MADE OUT OF LOVE FOR YOU
THE TIMES I THOUGHT THERE WAS HOPE
HOPE FOR A FUTURE
SHARING DREAMS AND OUR LIVES TOGETHER FOREVER
I THOUGHT LOVE WAS TO BE CHERISHED
SOMETHING TO HANDLE WITH CARE
I THOUGHT LOVE SHARED WAS TO BE PROTECTED
A PLACE TO FEEL SAFE
NOT AFRAID AND DESTROYED
I WAS ONLY 18 WHEN WE MARRIED YOU TOOK MY INNOCENCE AWAY
WHAT HAPPENED
YOU CHOOSE ALCOHOL OVER OUR LOVE AND OUR BOYS
I CAN STILL SMELL THAT SMELL
THAT VILE SMELL THAT MADE YOU DO INDESCRIBABLE THINGS TO ME
THE HOSPITAL VISITS
THE BROKEN BONES
THE POLICE CALLS
THE ARRESTS
THE MISTAKES I MADE WHEN I WOULDN'T FILE CHARGES
AND THEN THE LIES IT BROUGHT TO MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND THE I'M SORRY I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN
I BELIEVED YOU
I TRUSTED YOU
AND REMEMBERING HURTS SO MUCH
THAT I HAVE PUSHED IT SO FAR BACK INSIDE
INSIDE TO A PLACE SO DEEP
THAT I CANT LET ANYONE IN NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY
NOW LOOKING INTO OUR CHILDREN'S EYES, YOUNG MEN NOW WITH LIFE'S OF THIER OWN
HOPING THEY WILL FORGIVE ME SOMEDAY FOR ALL THE PAIN I PUT THEM THROUGH BY STAYING
HOPING THAT A PATTERN NEVER BEGINS AGAIN
I WONDER IF YOU EVER QUESTION WHY THEY HATE YOU SO
IT STILL HURTS TODAY
REMEMBERING WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN...

I look back now its been 5 years, you are a mean man you made me feel so bad about myself you took away my self asteem, but guess what I met a man, A man who treats me like a princess, a man who helped build me back up, and I a married him, I was reluctent at first because I was scared I thought all men would be like you..But God answered my prayers and brought a Godly man who believes women are to be treated like fine china, never to be broken, he has accepted me for all I have been through all my doubts and fears and the boys love him I hope that makes you sick but however they feel about you today is your own fault you brought that all on yourself..they are good men and not because of anything you did you didn't ever have time for them and you hurt them too, and You know how and what you did to them..How do you live with yourself, I am not perfect but I treat people ALL people with the respect they deserve..I love my boys and my hubby and family..I don't think you know how to love you just know how to drink and hit, throwing your weight around...well you won't ever hit me again and you'll probably die a bitter old man, I have forgiven you but I will never forget.....
 Pam

Please if your in an abusive marrige or relationship call someone or just leave please before its to late, I know you think you can't make it but you can there is a better life waiting for you, there are alot of resources out there use them..PLEASe!!!!