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Today I am including ONE OF MY LETTERS FOR MY 30 DAY LETTER CHALLENGE, check it out and join in if you like... I have learned alot about myself and writing these letters is very theraputic...if you click on the link it has all 30 days worth of letters to write I am on Day 12, writing a letter to the person I hate the most and caused me alot of pain...you would think this was hard but for me its not so here goes...
Dr Ellifson,
I am writing you this letter today to let you know just how much pain you have caused me in my life...and how I am having so much trouble forgiving you, the bible says you have to forgive to be forgiven but this is really tough on me. I know this is a test of my faith and boy has it been. Dr. Ellifson you know how much pain and hurt I went through in my car accident and I never knew I should have checked you out when I was referred to you for my knee, well I know now!!!! What you put me through no human being should ever have to endure, it was bad enough the 6 arthoscopies I had that never took and then you told me my only other option was a total knee replacement..first off with my knee being shattered as it was why did you make me go thru all that, but thats not why I am really mad. I was scared when I had to go in that morning but brave because my boys where there and others that loved me, I trusted you, you had a great bedside manner but how would I know what was to come. Having a total knee replacement in itself is very painful and the rehab is awful to say the least..I did everything that was asked of me and never missed an appointment with you..I never knew anyone who had had a knee replacement so I had nothing to go on like WHY was I sick all the time, WHY was my scar so big and red with fever in it?? I came to your office on many occasions for a year telling you I thought something was wrong and you assured me it was OK, well after a year of that my then fiance decided he was tired of me being sick, in so much pain, and the redness....He took me to the emergency room and to my shock and horror they stuck a needle in my knee and pulled out the most disgusting stuff ever, the look on the doctor's face was bad enough. He left the room and came back to tell me you have to go into emergency surgery to have it redone or you might lose your leg...WHAT??? This time I was really scared, what to do, what to do?? Do I trust this doctor and as I listen to him tell me how infected it was and show me the x-rays of how the knee you put in was 2 inches to big for me..I was in shock. I asked if I could go home for one night and do it the next day with alot of hesitation he let me..I did alot of checking out of this new doctor and found out he was great and never had any black marks with any patient....I remember my boys came over that night and cooked me and Jay dinner and they made me laugh, which had to be so hard for them I mean I was going in the morning not knowing if I would keep my leg..how horrifying for them and me. Well after a very long surgery where he had to redo everything you did to me, he had to pull out the old knee and put rods in all the way to my heel and up to my mid thigh. He even made my scar look better he had to cut so much extra skin that all in all it looks pretty good. When I was in recovery I was so groggy and since they give you an epidural for this surgery I remember trying to feel if I still had a leg, I couldn't tell and the nurses weren't saying anything I remember crying I was so out of it..I guess alot of people came in to visit me in the recovery room one at a time but I have no memory of anyone excpt for Kayle (my youngest son) I remember like it was yesterday how he bent down and whispered in my ear 'MOM YOU GOT YOUR LEG" wow the emotions that went through me, I was so drugged up I really didn't feel anything no pain YET. just tears of joy....well with the help of my fiances and sons I got through it... the rehab and the stay in the hospital where so much worse than the first time, that was only a year prior but the new doctor had to do so much work and cut an inch and half more of my leg, so I am crooked now..are you happy knowing what you did to me? Well so you know prayers do get answered I wanted to sit in front of your office and tell people don't go in especially when I found out all the other horror stories of how you hurt other's....Then it happened you got caught, you and your brother where doing fraud and tax evasion I found these articles HERE and HERE, poor you you don't want to go to jail but guess what you are and I am so happy these words are music to my ear "physician already has lost his home, farm and medical practice"
You will never practice on another human being shame on you!!! I am still working on getting past this and I want you to know that my knee hurts everyday and will for the rest of my life, I know you don't care you where only in it for the money well now you can sit in prison with your brother trying to figure out where you went wrong to get caught, you have 63 months to figure it out thats 5 years, I am not sorry you lost EVERYTHING you hurt alot of people including me!!! I may never get past this but then again I know God will help me forgive you but that does not mean I have to forget...I mean how could I every step I take is a constent reminder..
your former patient Pamela
THANKS FOR READING THIS i HAVE SO MUCH HATRED IN MY HEART FOR THIS MAN THAT I NEED SO MANY PRAYERS TO GET A HANDLE ON IT!!!!
HAPPY FRIDAY AND HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!
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That was such a powerful story, I actually got goose bumps during it. You are very very blessed to have your leg...I suppose that is how I would have to look at the entire ordeal. THat Dr. will and is paying the price...it really is a shame. THank God you are alive to talk about it. You really have to look at all the things that seriously could have happended to you that where in the end Tragic. It was horrible what you went through...but you are hear to speak about it, and walk today.
ReplyDeletePhew! That's a horror story! But yes forgiveness helps you, not him. It's not a feeling, it is a choice you have to make every time the grrrr's come up over this male (he's not a man). Just "I choose to forgive him" for your inner peace. Oh my gosh, I'm still shocked how badly he botched that but how miraculous you got to the ER just in time to save your leg. Wow, Pam - wow!! Visiting via Java's Over 40 Blog Follow - glad I came by - I've been here before (just forgot to follow!). Great leetter.
ReplyDeleteI know that must have felt good to let that go. It is just terrible keeping all of that anger inside. The thing about withholding forgiveness is this: it doesn't do anything bad to THEM and it does terrible things to YOU. This is a little gem that I learned in Divorce Recovery Group. That was like a lightbulb coming on for me. And it was so true. Me staying angry with my ex didn't hurt him at all. He was going merrily along his way while I was becoming bitter and eaten up with rage. That really sucked. He had hurt me during the marriage, during the divorce, and was still at it after the divorce because I was allowing it with my unwillingness to let it go. That was definitely a lightbulb moment. I read in this book shortly thereafter that the person you think you CANNOT forgive is the person that you MUST forgive. The author went on to say that you focus strictly on your desire to forgive and don't even think about the how. Where we get stuck is on the how. We say things like, "I just don't know how I can forgive that person. He/she hurt me too badly." So, don't focus on the how. Stay focused strictly on the want. Just say to yourself over and over that you want to forgive so and so. Let God take care of the how. If you can let go of the how and stay focused on the desire to forgive, it will happen when you aren't looking. As you said, you won't forget, but when you think of that person, you won't be filled with anger and rage. It will just be a bad experience that you had. You will know you are over it when you can say that person's name and you aren't gritting your teeth. Or your stomach isn't clenching up. It will feel like ancient history. As for that knee, start visualizing that knee working properly and not hurting anymore. When you go to bed at night imagine walking around on it without pain. Bending and flexing with ease of motion. The brain is a funny thing. I think that we can "trick" it into working the way we want it to. In other words, to an extent we can convince the brain to make our knee work right. Visualization is a powerful tool and it can't hurt ~ and it could help:D
ReplyDeleteRobin you are wise beyound your years you give the best advice and you will never know what that means to me...I will try what you said if I could get past the pain that would be a big help on the road to forgiveness...
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear of your struggle. I was crying as I was reading your letter. I think you are on the right track by writing the letter. For peace, you will have to let go of this and let God handle it for you. Turn it over to Him daily in prayer. Everytime you think about it send it to Him and let it be amen. It will take time to get past all your pain and disappointment but in your heart, pray that you forgive him and know that you no longer need to see that doctor.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you.
I'm your newest Friday Follower! Stop on over
susie http://cafescrapper-scrapsoflife.blogspot.com/2010/10/100-csn-stores-giveaway-and-follow.html
Your Google Friend connect is still down. I'll come back and friend you later gator!
ReplyDeleteI found you via Follow 40 Friday. That letter is powerful!Forgiveness in time but I must say he does deserve to be in jail!
ReplyDelete~Naila Moon
http://writing-out-of-the-blue.blogspot.com/2010/10/two-tradgedies-dont-make-it-right.html
WOW. What a story! I am sorry that you have had to endure that pain.
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of 30 days of letters. Maybe I will give it a shot!
I am your newest follower from Following Friday. (Google Friend Connect is working fine now, or at least it did for me!)
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