Dear Pam,
When I look at myself in the mirror I sometimes get a glimpse of that little innocent girl I used to be before life happened...What where you thinking getting married at 18 thinking you where in love and all, only to find out he was an abusive alcoholic and liked to hit women and throw his weight around..I see the scares in the mirror he left..he was good he kept them where no one saw them....I still see a glimpse of that bubbly girl I used to be the one who jumped on the chance to hang out with friends till he put a hault on that too, why I let him do that is beyond me..but I also see this mom who loves her kids more than anything and I see a GOOD mom....the Kinda mom I think any child would be glad to have..I am so sorry you never really had a dad but I stepped in and filled both roles and loved every minute of it....When I look at myself post car wreck I can almost see my brain working but know how far I have come..I hate the scares I see from that day but at least I am alive...I hate all the scares I see but that goes along with it I guess, I know It put some wrinkles on face but not too bad since I was blessed with good genes...I also hate seeing the weight I have put on since I can't exercise like I did before but I am going to start working on that more no matter how bad my knee hurts, I see the disapoinment on my face because I can't go to work anymore maybe someday..I hate seeing fear in my face knowing I can't drive becasue I am scared, scared it could happen again...The one thing I love though is the smile on my face now being married to a man who loves me no matter what....you love me through all the bad stuff and put up with me and treat me like a princess, every girl should know that feeling...All in all life is good now and I am working on myself. The wrinkles come as you get older I can't believe i am 48 and people think I am much younger because they don't know my story...Pam life will get better every day and maybe someday forgiveness will come, forgiveness that I lived and he my neighbor didn't it..I am going to be that bubbly girl again i know it, I love myself and thats important....your getting stronger and happier every day....one day at a time is my motto now....life happens and I can deal with it I am lucky to have sons like I do, thanks for always being there for me I have put you through so much but I know you love me for who I am, i am different but love you more today that the day you where brought into this world...Your stronger than you think and thats good..when I look at my reflection somedays I still get a glimpse of that young girl who was happy and and know my family loves me no matter what..keep on keeping on and we can get through anything, love you Pam!!! you are a princess and don't forget it..
You ARE a Princess :)
ReplyDeleteHugs from one Pink Princess to another ♥
Wow. It is hard to believe that you are finished with the letters! Every day does get better. You just have to keep focusing on all of the great things you have... and you have so many wonderful things in your life. The rest will come when they come!
ReplyDeleteIt's been a while since I visited. I love your blog!
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